Sponsored by SC Johnson, a family company
The morning haze wraps itself around me
like an old familiar blanket,
or a lover’s fevered embrace.
The impending day, pregnant with possibility,
tickles my senses
like the tang of
Cool Ranch Doritos
beside a swirling stream.
But slowly, inexorably
the sun creeps across the day,
burning through the haze,
shredding it like the patented
double mulching action of a Toro
Titan Zero-Turn mower.
Only then, as the day falls into evening
and the sky drifts from gold to purple,
I cannot help but be reminded of the full duplex
color scan picture on my
Samsung 6400-Series wide-screen television,
its 1080p resolution and 240 Hz frame rate
rendering your radiant smile
in true lifelike tones
mere reality cannot hope to equal.
But the rise of the amber moon.
The blink of a million jeweled stars.
Even your iridescent smile.
All these, alas, pale in comparison
to my new Nissan Maxima with
all-wheel drive, Torquemaster V8 engine,
and twelve-speaker four-hundred watt sound system.
So sleep easy, my love,
and I will do the same.
Rest in the knowledge
that my love for you is boundless and strong
as a thirty-gallon Extra-Strength Hefty trash bag
in the fifty-count space saver box.